The Masks We Wear

Since February of 2020, my wife and I have been wearing a mask when indoors. And the same scenario holds true in crowded outdoor settings too. It began because of COVID, but continued out of medical necessity for other reasons. That’s more than five and a half years. And that also constitutes at least five Florida summers where temperatures and humidity levels both approach triple digits at the same time. To say it’s physically uncomfortable is an undeniable fact given the environmental conditions. But there is a different type of discomfort that’s even more pervasive. One that is characterized by anxiety, judgment, disparagement, and shame.

I’m not going to lie. Long before the pandemic, I might see a person in the grocery store wearing a mask and look twice, wondering why it was necessary. Perhaps this is the crux of my entire message. The premise for this month’s incessant thoughts coursing through my mind. I used to be that person, the one who looked differently at someone who wasn’t doing the “normal” thing. It’s embarrassing and eye-opening to admit that aloud. Because now I’m on the other side of the fence, peeking over it and hoping to avoid those looks from other people.

I’m not going to make such a presumptuous statement that I know how minorities feel now, because that is the furthest thing from the truth. I have a choice about if and how I present myself to the public. If you are of a different race, gender, or any other socioeconomic faction as defined in the public eye, there is no choice in the matter. And that is a huge difference. But what I can say, is that when I notice others looking at me with a mix of repugnance and revulsion, it matters to the human psyche, no matter how much internal fortitude one possesses. And over the long run, that can be damaging in some seemingly irreversible ways.

Now, I’m not saying that every person I cross paths with when I’m wearing a mask treats me this way. There are several (perhaps even a majority) that regard me with nothing but respect. But (and perhaps this is another one of those important points) it only takes one of those stares that make you feel unworthy of consideration to shatter the walls of self-confidence.

Where is all of this going? Is this just a random tirade about another person who feels misjudged by society? Well, no. And yes. The whole situation over the past month got me thinking, especially after contracting COVID. I chose to wear a mask everywhere for several reasons, one of them being my desire to protect those other human beings around me from becoming infected, even after I had been deemed no longer contagious. I want to stop those people who look at me funny and say, hey, I’m doing this for you and your family. But that would be shallow. And I don’t think I’d actually have the guts to say that to someone, but that’s a topic for another day.

But, back to my point, which I realize is taking me an insanely circuitous route to arrive at. At some point in the year surrounding the onset of COVID, we all wore physical masks, and it was normal, in a sense that everyone was doing it.

There’s another kind of mask we wear though, and no one can see that one. It’s the veil we use to hide those private pieces of ourselves. We might reveal them to family and close friends, or we might not. But there are stories and reasons and motivations and fears and experiences that have led us to act the way we do, moment to moment, and day to day.

And perhaps this is an age-old thought that has been shared countless times before, but still I feel compelled to share it. No one ever really knows for sure what’s happening behind the scenes in another person’s life. Each of us has our own struggles. Every individual has a unique human experience that has led them to their current place in the world. And all those fears and motivations and experiences and reasons for our actions might seem nonsensical to others, while they make perfect sense to ourselves.

But if we’re able to take that awareness and flip it around when we see someone around us that appears abnormal, perhaps we can simply smile, offer a kind word, and recognize that the masks we wear are more widespread than the physical ones we can actually see.

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